sweet, sweet summertime

even though i've been out of school since may 2nd, my summer pretty much officially starts in the morning. i'm pretty pumped!! headed to the beach with the family monday-friday and then to my sister's for my youngest niece's 1st birthday party. :) pretty excited to see the babies!! :)

back home late saturday night and then unpacking, washing clothes, and packing up for camp on sunday. monday morning camp orientation!! i'm beyond excited about this summer and the opportunity to be with the kids 24/7 again. please continue to pray throughout the summer that the Lord would ROCK THEIR WORLDS! i can't wait to share their stories with you!

feel free to write me at camp - mail is pretty much a day-maker!! :)

218 La Vida Rd.

Winnsboro, SC 29180

back in august...have an awesome summer!!! :)

draining a cup of grief & starting another book.

several things are on my mind tonight: another book i started last night, 2 very similar pictures, & possibly having my last conversation with himanshu before i leave for camp. this particular post addresses the first.

last night i needed some me & Jesus time. maybe this only happens with me, but something in me causes me to believe i'm not the only one who reaches this point...and reaches it often. you know, when you surround yourself by people you love all the time...keeping yourself busy with things you enjoy so that it's not very difficult to keep a smile on your face. life is going pretty well. the thing is, even in the happiest moments around the most encouraging of friends, if i've let my walk with the Lord fall by the waist side (meaning, i've put that relationship on the back burner) then joy slowly begins to fade and i find myself on a daily emotional roller coaster. i begin again to rely more on earthly relationships that WILL fail my expectations rather than on the ONLY relationship that will remain a constant picture of faithfulness & forgiveness. i find myself screaming for alone time with Him...and only Him. don't get me wrong, spiritually encouraging friendships are SUCH a blessing but as one of those spiritually encouraging friends reminded me once before, we can pour and pour into others and they into us as well, but if we ourselves are not being poured into by the ONLY one who can truly fill our cup, we run the risk of finding satisfaction in the wrong sustenance.

(on a similar note, i ran across this phrase last night that talked about how we need to accept brokenness. we simply need to accept that it's ok to "drain our cup of grief." i thought that was awesome. all of these cup analogies! anyway, i thought that was a good way to describe a female's need to "have a good cry"...so next time you feel that way, just declare that you need to drain a cup of grief...or two.) just remember: scripture promises that if you drain your cup of grief in the Lord's arms, He'll keep every tear in a bottle (psalm 56:8). so get it out and then give it to the Lord.

all that to say, i started reading a book i've borrowed from a friend called "Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging" by Brennan Manning last night. wow. b/c it is a borrowed book, i'm not going to write in it. so...i found myself copying down nearly half of the first two chapters. i could, like with most books i read, go on and on just about those first two chapters but two things stuck out to me that i'll point out now. i'll quote Manning's interpretation of what the Lord spoke to him one night while he was isolated from the rest of the world:

"Come to Me now. Acknowledge and accept who I want to be for you: a Savior of boundless compassion, infinite patience, unbearable forgiveness, and love that keeps no score of wrongs. Quit projecting onto Me your own feelings about yourself. At this moment your life is a bruised reed and I will not crush it, a smoldering wick and I will not quench it. You are in a safe place."

i needed that reminder. He keeps no score of wrongs. everyone else may, but He does not. in His arms there is safety. His plan is far greater than I can imagine and though I may not be able to see beyond the circumstances of the here and now, I can find hope & trust in the fact that He wants nothing less than the best for me. in His arms there is safety.

which got me to thinking about thing number 2 on my list: a picture hanging on my wall. well, actually right now it's sitting on the floor because it's too heavy to hang right now. too heavy because it carries such a heavy, powerful message? i know, i know...i read into everything. i can't help it. too much has flooded my mind about the message it carries...so much so that i'll save that for another day & another post...

p.s. american idol: two genuinely good guys. two great musicians. that being said, i kind of wish archie had won ;) he's different - passionate about his music & a little dorky...a lot like me :)

i'm a good-for-nothin brick & a 2-timin' church dater.

so a couple of weeks ago i went to meet my mom at work as we were "carpooling" to get our haircut. she was supposed to get off at 1, but i got there a little early & she was running a little late. she works at a nearby church doing administrative "stuff" and currently they are without a pastor. so i roamed around the building like i usually do. every time i'm there i find something new! haha...time before last i played the piano in the sanctuary which i love doing. last time i discovered the jr. high sunday school class which has nicer furniture than my bedroom, several tvs, and an empty fridge. haha...yes, i looked inside the fridge ;)

this time however, because there is no pastor the "pastor's study" was open. so i found myself looking around in there. nothing to look at really...a desk, a table and 4 chairs, and a ton of almost empty bookshelves. i say almost empty because right by the door there were 6-7 of these books by joshua harris - the guy who wrote "i kissed dating goodbye" - which i haven't read...yet. i figured i've never really kissed it hello, but i'd still like to read it. anyway, the title of this book caught my eye. so, i swiped it. no, i didn't steal from the presbyterian church...i borrowed. there's a difference...i'll give it back...one day. i really will. and until then, no one will know it's gone - it won't be missed. mom said the old pastor used the book in a class with a group at the church. that caught me by surprise. so i started it. no, i haven't yet finished...just like every other book i start - but i'm working on it!

it's really good. that being said, so far i've taken from it that i'm a good-for-nothin brick & a 2-timin' church dater. sometimes we need to be told like it is! let me quote the book some here...at least the parts i relate to and those that pretty much sum up my life:

"i was raised in a Christian home [me too], but even though the church played a big part in my life growing up, for many years it didn't have a big place in my heart. [me either] my first home as a child was across the street from the little Baptist church [yep]...my dad was a pastor [yep]...but after two disillusioning church (issues), he left [pretty much...dad's still in the ministry, but not at those churches]...when i graduated from high school, i started visiting around [yep]. i loved God and had big dreams for how i wanted to serve Him, but i didn't see any reason to get too involved in one church. by then, i thought i knew all there was to know about the church, and i wasn't impressed. [agreed.]" i'll just say i can completely relate to that feeling...and leave it at that. i could go on & on about why i feel the way i do, but i want to get to the part about bricks & church dating...and i'm not at all here to bash the church. i love the church...the church is my family.

harris talks about how we are the living body of Christ - made of living stones. "He calls us the body of Christ. we're more than brothers & sisters in Christ. as we express our union with Him through service, worship, & love we become the physical manifestation of our Savior on earth...Heaven sees the church as a magnificent temple...composed of living stones (i peter 2:5)...Jesus Himself is the cornerstone, and you and i are being joined to it". now, i've heard this over and over, but something about how it was expressed here really hit home. (eph. 2:21-22). he also talked about how we are all linked together with one another, with the apostles, & with the Lord b/c we are all a part of this structure. how cool is that that we're connected with people like peter & paul?? we are a part of something SO much bigger than ourselves! harris also commented on how denominations were tearing apart unity when, in reality, they CAN make unity more achievable. i had to chew on that one for awhile, but i think i agree. "denominations allow us to have organizational unity where we have FULL agreement and allow us to have spiritual unity with other denominations since we are not forced to argue our way to perfect agreement but can accept our differences of OPINION on SECONDARY matters...pray for God to work through other Christians even though they might worship differently than we do & stay humble about doctrinal differences of secondary importance. through His church, spread out around the world, Jesus is glorifying Himself and extending His reign in ways that no single person, congregation, OR denomination could do alone." i liked that. a LOT. let's stop fighting about issues that ultimately, don't make an eternal difference and start working together spreading the main facts we know to be true. i've never been so drawn to worship than when i stood beside believers in india as they sang worship songs in their nepali tongue. i sang in english. it was just a mere GLIMPSE of what Heaven will be like when every nation and every tongue will glorify the Father with one voice. amazing. that's just a personal side note. anyway, back to the bricks.

in describing good-for-nothing bricks, harris explains "i know there are some who say, 'well i have given myself to the Lord, but i do not intend to give myself to the church. now why not? because i can be a Christian without it. [yes, i have said this many times...b/c i've seen the crap that sometimes comes out of churches...what goes on behind closed doors...but harris continues in asking us] are you quite clear about that?" and this is the part that got me..."you can be as good a Christian by disobedience to your Lord's commands (not being a part of a church body) as by being obedient? what is a brick made for? to help build a house. it is of no use for that brick to tell you it is just as good a brick while it is kicking about on the ground as it would be in the house. it is a good-for-nothing brick. so you rolling-stone Christians [i LOVE it when people are in your face...thanks!], i do not believe that you are answering your purpose. [ouch.] you are living contrary to the life which Christ would have you life, and you are much to blame for the injury you do."

i have allowed myself to be that brick. i'm slowly learning to get past the grudges i hold towards the church. i don't want to be that brick. i want to be a part of the living structure bigger than myself. another realization was that i need my neighbors. i cannot stand alone...bricks are of no use alone. refusing to rely on others in a healthy manner makes me just as much a good-for-nothing brick as refusing to step foot in a church.

as for being a church dater...
in the book, harris talks about his friend nathan who "attended two churches on sundays - one because he liked their music, the other because he liked the preaching. and his involvement in both went no deeper. at the first church he'd slip out just before the last song wound down and drive to the other church 5 mins away. he even factored in time to stop for an egg mcmuffin. he timed it so that he'd be walking into the 2nd church just as the pastor started to preach. i guess you could say nathan was two-timing."

i've been that person too. for four years i've dated church after church, never committing and with absolutely no intention of settling down with any of them. i've never thought about it in the dating sense before, but if someone i was dating treated me like that, i wouldn't be very happy. i want commitment. i want someone who is as passionate about me as i am about him. try that on for size as far as looking at the church from God's perspective. "what practiced daters like nathan [and me...haha, i'm a practiced dater] don't realize is that what they assume is working for their personal gain is actually resulting in serious loss - for themselves and others...when we resist passion and commitment in our relationship with the church, everyone gets cheated out of God's best."

i know i say this all the time, but i could go on and on. but i'll let you pull from all of this what you want. i just wanted to share what's opened my eyes. apparently, i'm a good-for-nothin brick & a 2-timin' church dater. i'm workin on it. :)

2 very random, but good, thoughts to end on:

- i've had MANY more conversations over several days and MANY hours w/ himanshu. continue to pray...it's been AMAZING. he's asking about salvation and questioning EVERYTHING he's been taught :) i'll keep you updated.
- homemade, mennoninte, oatmeal whoopi cookies. (don't ask...but YOU know.)

quotes from beth moore & a pooty shoe.

"God is too wise to send the most light to where the most light already exists"
-on callings outside of the church

"We ourselves are are meant to be a tract the lost can read. How is your 'tract record'?"

"I am not too proud to ask the Lord to give me favor."

"Nothing I am holding onto in place of Christ comes close to what I have lost by letting go of Him."
-on putting others/things before Christ

"In me, without Christ, there is no good thing & I am capable of any evil deed. We have to be forced to depravity." so true. so, so very true and so, so very humbling.

& my personal favorite:
"I've got a glorious addiction to a man I want all over me - His name is Jesus Christ."
-explaining a desire for the Lord's Presence in her life

ok, so i have another favorite that's been on my mind ever since i heard it:
"If we are not currently accomplishing more than we know we are capable of, we are not truly living in the Spirit."
wow. that is motivation to me. how about you?

my mom came in from work today and walked back & forth in front of me about 9 times b/c she wanted me to hear her "pooty shoe". she was nearly in tears because randomly her shoe would, well, "poot"...she said she was glad she worked alone. you have to know my mother to understand why this was so flippin' hilarious.

conversation over coffee? how about internet chess.

the most amazing thing just happened & even though it's 2:45am and i have to get up early...i have to share. why? two reasons: 1) it was a definite God-thing & 2) i need your prayers now!!

so while i've been at home i've gotten into the habit of playing online chess. ok go ahead and make fun of me...get it out of your system. that's ok...i know i'm a nerd and i am completely ok with that! haha...anyway, if you've ever played any online games (be it spades, hearts, etc) you know that you can chat with your opponents. i'm usually not big on the chatting...i'm here to play the game and i really feel a bit strange talking to complete strangers - and the questions always arise: "where are you from?", "how old are you?", "what is your name?". anyway...over the last week, however, i have felt a "burden" (for lack of a better word) to ask the people i'm playing with if they know Jesus or how they feel about Jesus. i don't really like flat out saying to people "are you a Christian" - i think that typically turns them away if they do not believe and it leaves me knowing very little about what it is they do believe. i don't want to make assumptions.



so tonight was the 2nd time i've followed through with those gut feelings to bring up the conversation. both times have gone surprisingly well. the first time i simply asked "how do you feel about Jesus" and the response was "I LOVE JESUS". i proceeded to learn that my chess partner of the day was raised in a catholic home but was not much for denomination. he gave me his email address and suggested we keep in contact. i'll be honest and say i was skeptical. tonight, however, was...well...wow. throughout the game i learned that my partner was an 18 year old male in india. it was completely cool that i had been there and could talk, somewhat intelligently, about the area with him. it gave us common ground. i had no intentions tonight of bringing up the Jesus question, but when i found out he was from india, my interest peaked.

i may write more about this later, but for now i have to sleep. i'll leave you with the highlights:
- i talked for over an hour w/ himanshu.
- i downloaded yahoo messenger so that we could talk more about our beliefs
- his mother is hindu & his father muslim; however, they left him with the freedom to choose his own belief
- problem: indian government
- he believes in "humanity" - all religions are ok. when i asked if he meant that he was tolerant of all religions he replied: "if you go with them (other religions), and they (politicians) see this, they will kill you"
- we agreed to exchange email addresses and will be emailing one another in the next few days our "testimonies" so to speak
- then i'll ask questions and he'll do the same
- i found myself on the floor praying nearly in tears while he went to the bathroom that the Lord would pour out His Spirit on him and me as well b/c i do not feel equipped for these kinds of conversations. he was asking very hard questions. indians are VERY educated not only in their own beliefs but in others as well...and it's quite intimidating
- he wanted to know my birthday b/c he wanted to know my sunsign (zodiac sign)...why? he said he felt as if he knew me. i asked if he believed in reincarnation. he replied that he did not know but that many indians did...that led to a whole different conversation
- he is very curious & very friendly - much like my friends i met while i was in india. i miss them. he sent pictures. meet himanshu and his sister shagun.

please pray that the Lord would pour His spirit upon himanshu...& if you don't mind, pray for me too...i'm in definite need of both wisdom and guidance. thanks.

theme parks, stupid economy, & a great sermon.

my last post was supposed to be a 2-fer...two in one day; however, i never got around to the second one. my bad. so here's to a really random post!

today was interesting. i'm very bored at home with no school & camp still about a month away, but i'm not complaining. i'm catching up on sleep and finally going through years & years of collected clothing. since i hadn't left the house in, oh at least 2 days i spent an extremely long night at church - why not? i ate dinner, went to a beth moore Bible study with my mom, and then did the unthinkable. i went and sang with the choir. yes, that's what i said. i love music. why not? why haven't i done that before? i don't know. something about that makes me laugh - nevertheless, it was actually quite enjoyable. old ladies actually have hilarious conversations. you should sit on the back row sometime. seriously.

i've been wanting to ride some coasters for about 3 years...it's been far too long. tonight i randomly mentioned it to a friend...& my wish has come true. i'm pretty pumped about going to carowinds july 19 (if all works out). wanna go?

i've watched much too much television in the last week that i've been home. not having a tv in my room at school this past semester completely changed my point of view on television. i've been watching lost, the bachelor (yes, i know - trashy - so shoot me), and a few other shows that are online from my laptop but other than that, i've been out of the tv loop for 3 months or so. now i just get really annoyed when i turn it on...especially since i'm at home w/ the parents. it's quite embarrassing. as my mom said the other day "nothing's sacred anymore" - she was referring to a commercial about a certain disorder. seriously?! tv is trash...and i'm not one to get on those kicks. that being said, i found myself "watching" some news show or something along those lines. found out that it costs 1.3 cents to make every penny & 5.6-5.7 cents to make every nickel. that alone is costing Americans millions of dollars every year. i don't understand much about the economy - but i know that's DUMB. haha...

now to what i meant to post the other day. sunday was amazing. i had planned on going to newspring church but it just didn't work out. it was a definite God-thing though...my dad preached my 2nd favorite sermon i've ever heard him preach...my favorite was when he didn't say a word. it was silent. nothing against him at all - but something about silence is powerful...maybe it's because we finally can hear what the Lord's telling us instead of everyone else. sunday, however, was the second week in a series called "5 lies that ruin relationships". each week he goes through a lie. here's what stuck out to me.

-Lie #2: "if other people would shape up my life would work out, my life would be better, i'd be happier in life, everyone would know how good i am...no, how great i am, and how important i am to them!" (just let that sink in for a second...i know i had to)

yeah, i've believed that lie. actually, i find myself believing that lie a lot. i've lost a few friends along the way too. coincidence? i don't know, but i do know i took a lot away from sunday. i definitely have to stop focusing on the flaws of others and start the process of getting the big plank out of my own eye. actually, i can't even do that...i've just got to pray that the Lord will loosen the plank first.

-Lie #2 typically revolves around slander. basically, if i believe everybody else needs to get right, i'm probably going to talk about them. putting them down for whatever reason seems to make the person doing the putting down feel better about themselves. that's twisted, huh.

-WORDS. few things have more power to ruin relationships than critical, defaming, & slanderous words. slander happens anytime the resuls of our communication about someone (whether TRUTHFUL OR NOT) bring him/her down in the eyes of another. lots of verses my dad pointed out stood out, but the one that was without a doubt most gut-wrenching was this: "if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself & his religion is WORTHLESS." (james 1:27...one of my favorite verses is the next one too by the way but you'll have to look it up to know :) )

-so what's the solution to the battle? idk. that seems to be a good answer. my personal conclusion is that the heart of the problem is a problem of the heart. pretty much, i need to focus on ME...not in a self-righteous, egotistical manner. but in a humble, God-You've-gotta-help-me-be-the-woman-You've-created-me-to be kind of way. "for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" (matt. 12:34) i gotta get MY heart right before i can get the "fire" & "evil" (my tongue - james 3:6) under control. it's time to stop being the judge and remember that i, too, will one day stand before the One & only Judge. it's kind of like a previous post...we're all in this together. we're all in the same boat. ok, so maybe we're all in A boat...but we're all in boats. bear with me, i like the boat analogy. maybe the boats represent our weaknesses. so my boat may be pride and/or slander (among other things) and there are other people in my boat too. BUT...there are other boats out there i'm not in...there are certain "sins" that i simply do not, by the grace of God only, struggle with. doesn't matter though. we all struggle w/ sin - we're all in a boat! and we're all searching for something to fix us. what's the fix? i'm pretty sure peter had it. his boat was doubt. (i'm in that boat too...i'm in a lot of boats). we've just got to stop focusing on where everyone else is...what boat they're in - what sin they're stuck in and controlled by and focus on the Savior...He's the only one who's going to help us stand. He's the only one who can loosen the planks.

oh, & i've been overwhelmed by how many of my good friends & their families need prayer right now. i try my hardest to remember them all & lift them up. it's been both a blessing & a lesson to be able to do that. it reminds me of the right times to focus on others...lifting them up rather than tearing them down.

it's been a long one, but thanks for taking the time to read about what's on my heart. :)

so i worshipped to rascal flatts: an ongoing, broken-up series.

ok, so today will be a 2-fer. (2-in-one-day) there are several things i want to write about & idk that i can wait til tomorrow to share them both!

this post marks the beginning of what i'm going to entitle
"so i worshipped to ______: an ongoing, broken-up series". today's artist of choice is rascal flatts. the idea here is that there are so many secular songs that are screaming with Biblical truth & that i am able to worship to...& i thought it would be interesting to share the ones that stick out to me with you. feel free to comment about songs that stick out to you - i'd LOVE to hear it! so let me explain this one:


on the way home this morning, i cranked up the music in the car. an old rascal flatts cd has blared in my Escape (i've always loved that - that my car is called an escape...since it many times is just that - an escape) for a little over a week now. i think this is the 2nd time i've made mention of blaring R.F. recently. nevertheless, i thought to myself, i'm in one of those "i really wanna sing to Jesus right now" moods...but as i reached out to hit the "radio" button, the song "You" came on. now don't get me wrong - these songs aren't based on perfect theology...but what is?? and who am i to even begin to know what perfect theology is? the point is, i thought it was really interesting that i found myself with hands raised in the car as i sang along to rascal flatts...& it wasn't the first time it's happened. here are the 2 songs that have spoken to me recently.


"You" - R.F.

[Chorus]

every road that i've been down
the only Truth that i have found
there's only one thing i can't live without
You


i was searching for something i thought i would never find
losing my mind
in and out of bad love i thought i was born to lose
then came You
i thought i knew what the real thing was
but nothing shakes me like Your Love does
i've been hypnotized
now i realize


Chorus


every time I get lost
in a temperamental mood
You still stay cool
just when I think that this life's about to drive me insane
You take the reins (ok so He has them all along, but i finally acknowledged He's in control)
every time i feel i'm drifting off course
You're my compass, You're my One true north
in a mixed up world
You make sense to me (girl)....(ok, i'll explain my thoughts on this in a second)


"Shine On" - R.F.

i was lost in darkness and sinking sand
well i was barely nothing, a broken man
but you picked up the pieces of my heart in Your hand
then You came and showed to me
Love's second chance


[Chorus]

shine on, shine on, shine on me
whenever something's missing
You're exactly what I need
Your love has shown me the Light
and now i finally see
so shine on, shine on, shine on me, yeah


Lord knows that i'm not perfect but i sure do try
and i see the man that i can be in Your eyes (jeremiah 29:11)
well there are times i still get lost in yesterday (thoughts of my past)
but You put the past behind me and You light my way


Chorus


Ok. so, i changed some capitalization and bold-ened certain lines to point out what really spoke to me...but then i realized i nearly highlighted the two songs in their entirety. i got to thinking - trying to figure out how it was that secular songs could have such powerful messages about Christ. i came to 2 conclusion:


1- "the Love of God is greater far than time or pen can ever tell"...quite simply, His love is all around us. we are all created by His hand and are all formed from the same dust of the Earth. whether we choose to admit He is among us or whether we choose to deny His presence, it is there. the love of the Father is undeniably present in and around everyone...and it's evident through our longings & desires - which brings me to conclusion numero dos.


2 - to the best of my knowledge, R.F. songs are written about earthly relationships. their lyrics describe relationships gone bad, mountain-top relationships, desires for relationships...you get the point. why is it, then, that they can so easily be compared to our relationship with the Lord? i think it all boils down to the fact that husbands are to love their wives like Christ loves the church. we all have the same longings and desires - to be loved. when we follow the example set by Christ, those feelings could very well be similar. how beautiful is that?

i could go on & on but i'll leave it open for you to think and come up with your own conclusions...i just thought it was interesting!