i haven't blogged all summer, but i can't recall a time in my life where i've journaled more. every week after the students leave i've felt led to write about all the students who i got to pour into...their stories & how i saw God move in their lives for a very short 5 days. what an incredibly overwhelming blessing it will be to look back on and read through. i have to say though, week 6 is far too much to hand write...
week 5 my parents were in town...and it was humiliating. no, having them here was not the problem...i was excited for them to see this thing called camp that i love so much. the problem was, for whatever reason, the Lord saw fit to "bless" me with the worst group of students i've ever had in 7 years of camp ministry...and i'm still not sure why. it was, by far, the most challenging week i've ever experienced.
my kids:
had horrible attitudes,
constantly told inappropriate jokes,
and made fun of one another...as well as everyone else,
never stopped talking on the rec field so that i could adequately explain any of the REC initiatives,
refused to work as a team...ever,
randomly walked off in the middle of activities,
decided to talk about lap dances while i attempted to talk about unity,
and NEVER stopped talking unless it was time for Bible study...
during which they were silent & completely unresponsive.
to top it all off, i had the camp pastor's daughter in my group...and her frustration with the group was evident. she did her best to help. she was the only positive leader...even to the point of taking some of the other students aside and challenging them to step it up. didn't matter though...nothing changed. it's the first week i've ever felt like Bible study - or any part of camp for that matter - was completely ineffective with my students. by the time they left i felt completely defeated. and, like i said, very much unsure what it was i was supposed to have learned from the experience.
nevertheless, i was determined NOT to have another week like that. so the night before week 6 students arrived i spent some time literally on my face in prayer in my Bible study room.
i prayed over the week.
i prayed for the hearts of every student who was headed my way.
i prayed NOT for students who had it all together.
i prayed the Lord would bless me with BROKEN & LOST students...
with moldable & willing hearts...and good attitudes.
that's right - i prayed for broken students.
night 1 looks like this:
i meet my kids...we learn names, do a general overview of the week, go over the theme, and they fill out information cards. i ask them to mark on their cards if they want to hang out one-one-one. generally, i have 5-7 who want to talk. this week, out of 27 students,
NINETEEN wanted to talk.
as i read thru their cards later that night during our meeting i was hammered with story after story. these kids laid it out there - NIGHT ONE. all throughout the week i kept a sharpie by my side. every time i had a one-on-one i changed the number on my hand. monday night before i went to bed i remember saying out loud..."1 down, 18 to go."
i remember going to bed on wednesday having had 5 intentional conversations with kids that day - each at least 30 minutes long...and still feeling like i should have had one more. this week was the best kind of challenging...meet some of my kids...
1) THAT DAY before "e" came to camp her father told her he didn't ever want to see her again. didn't want to have anything to do with her and wanted to give full custody to her mom. he told her church was crap & a waste of time. he'd gotten upset and said such hurtful things because she came to camp...but she knew she was supposed to be there. she said she had no regrets. she used to be a daddy's girl...and wanted to understand NOT why it had happened...but how to love him despite what he'd said. everyday she was ordered by the courts to call him at two specified times. she gave me daily updates on how they went. she would call and tell him that she loved him...he wouldn't respond. when i asked how i could pray for her she responded, "No special way necessarily...I just need some hope for my dad."
2) "J" had been kicked out by her parents - they didn't want her. she applied for foster care on her own & was denied because she was in "no immanent danger". so she moved in with a grandfather. she told me that she wanted to meet with a student who she'd just met this week in our group. he'd accepted Christ on night 2...and she wanted to encourage him. she said, "so many times people get saved and then no one comes alongside of them. i want to make sure he has a Bible and knows where to go from here." then she said the one thing she wanted me to pray for her about was that she would be a better, more courageous & bold spiritual leader...the irony. did i mention that on her information card when asked how i could be praying specifically for her she wrote, "if you don't mind, i'd like to pray for you."????
3) when asked on his info card if he was a Christian, "d" marked maybe. he defined Christianity as being graceful. but on night two he accepted Christ (see above). he was led to Christ by another student in leah's Bible study. his leader found me that night to share the news. he lives in a one-bedroom house with 7 other people and fears that people judge him every time he walks out of his house.
4) i always have the students play a game on night 1 where they all stare at one another one at a time and shout out their names 3 times...it's a fast way for them to learn names. "k" curled up in the fetal position and began to rock back & forth when the students said her name...i found out AFTERWARDS that she has asperger's...i felt like a horrible human being.
5) "m" was recently diagnosed 3 months ago with bipolar disorder and is on medication. she is also ADHD, has asthma & heart problems, and frequently gets dizzy & blacks out. she was grateful for the diagnosis because she finally understood what was wrong. she never understood why she would be happy one moment and then want to hit the people around her the next. her prayer request for the week was that her "moods would be kept in check." she recently lost her grandmother & her dad was diagnosed with dementia.
6) "b" was a student i had last year & loved. his mother and brother fight all the time. mom is korean and hangs on to that heritage. people don't accept her. mom and dad's marriage is on the rocks. "b" is the peacemaker...home life = constant tension. but he knew he was supposed to be a leader...by the middle of the week when asked if he could do any one thing that he knew wouldn't fail he was the first student to respond, "i'd preach."
7) "k2" was another student i had last year. she was raped. her mom told her that Christianity was ridiculous and she didn't want anything to do with her. Her mom is on drugs and they've been forced to be apart because of it. The ONE thing she wanted me to know about her was that she prayed for her mom - that she would change. She wanted me to pray that one day she could understand why her mom "hates" her & doesn't want anything to do with her.
8) "b" wanted me to pray for her boyfriend - who is a wiccan...she doesn't know how to talk to him about Jesus because he wants proof
9) "c" wanted to me several times throughout the week. he became such a leader but he just wanted me to pray for his parents' relationship with one another.
10) "c2" wanted prayer about her home life. her parents divorced and she's been living with her mom. she wants to live with her dad, "but it's not that easy." her younger sister struggles with an eating disorder.
11) "a" was struggling with "dealing with sins...and moving on. accepting that [she] is forgiven and can leave it behind."
12) "c3" never opened up too much about her situation, but she struggled with "learning to forgive the ones who hurt her". in her words, "some things have brought me down that i'm trying to overcome but i could have it a lot worse and i'm thankful for each breath i take everday."
that was LESS THAN HALF of my students.
by the world's standards, my kids had every right to be mad at the world...to hate their home lives, their families and God. but they taught me so much.
day 2: Bible study = great. best day of recreation ever. dumbest games but the best attitudes. they encouraged one another. they had great attitudes no matter how many times i made them do the same thing over and over. we got to the rec. rally...they were loud. they all had smiles on their faces. they cheered. they encouraged the other groups...and they walked away empty handed. but i reminded them...DON'T GIVE UP. as i walked back to the room from the rec. field, i told "j" (one of my incredible leaders) not to get discouraged...that i needed him to continue to lead the team with the awesome attitude he had that day. he turned to me and said, "can i say something to the group tomorrow?" i asked what and he said, "well, my coach told me this one time...and it's not a spiritual thing, but i think it definitely applies...'to give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.'" OF COURSE, i let him.
day 3: Bible study = great. one of my leaders said if he knew he wouldn't fail, he'd preach. we walk out the door to recreation...and it was POURING. so we did rainy day rec inside that tiny room...made up a ridiculous cheer to scream out all about being barefoot...and they rocked it out! but again, they walked away empty-handed. as they all started to disperse to lunch i yelled at them to meet in our room one more time before they left. as the last one dwindled in i closed the door behind me and stood up on a chair and told them i wanted to see every eye in the room. i reminded them of "j"s speech from earlier that morning - and had a very real moment with them. i told them how this was something i was personally struggling with - doing good and not getting recognition for it. BUT...as believers we are called to that very thing - to love whether we receive love in return, to do good whether people recognize you for it or not...we should never tire of doing good. even if we weren't recognized all week with a "reward," we knew we were doing what we were called to do - be encouraging to one another as well as the other teams, work as a family and persevere with positive attitudes no matter what. that afternoon...someone backed into my car...oh the irony again.
day 4: Bible study = a little rushed, but man God moved in INCREDIBLE ways. students who are committing to denying self and going home to live a life completely devoted to Christ no matter the cost scratch their name off of a poster & replace it with a sticker that says "my cross." as i looked up a few minutes into the activity i was overwhelmed by the number of students kneeling together in pairs, hands on shoulders in tears praying for one another. they didn't need me to prompt them to lift one another up...they took that initiative on their own.
that same morning i felt HORRIBLE...and at the beginning of Bible study i'd texted leadership to see if someone could lead rec. for me. they lined it up for me and all was good to go...except that as Bible study came to a close i was feeling slightly better and wanted to be with my kids so much that i put my shoes on and decided i was going. several of my students kept saying, "don't push it" - they knew and could tell i felt horrible...but i was determined. as i walked out the door, with my hand still on the handle out of nowhere something stings me. i never saw it...but my leg immediately turned all kinds of nasty white & red and started swelling. i literally yelled, "OH, COME ON!" needless to say, i didn't go to rec.
i took some benedryl & a 30 minute nap...then walked back in my room to prep for my ethics track time (which was interesting since i was doped up). i walked in the room to see a flag my kids had won that day draped over my table with several notes from them saying, "we did it! we didn't give up." another note was a half a page letter from "j" saying he'd gotten the group together, they'd prayed for me, he'd reminded them of all our talks and they rocked it out.
as i ran to thank the staffer who'd taken over for me, she blew me away by saying, "i didn't lead them...they led me!"
that afternoon was mega relay on the beach. my group was PUMPED. we painted up & cheered all the way down to the sand. we stretched & even prayed beforehand. long story short...it was a disaster. "k" (girl with aspberger's) did izzy dizzy and started running the wrong direction. two other kids dropped the girls they were supposed to be carrying and kept dropping them in an attempt to recover. during extreme tunnel (all the kids crawl through one another's legs) somehow one of my biggest guys got at the end...as he attempted to crawl through, he began lifting the other students off the ground on his back...and an absolutely hilarious domino effect happened. about 13 kids ended up on top of one another...at this point, everyone else has long finished ahead of us...and are now crowded around cheering them on. i can't even pick one of my kids up...but i kept screaming (when i could gasp from the laughter) DON'T GIVE UP! what seemed like 10 minutes later, they finished...and immediately got up and cheered...they didn't care.
they.had.fun.
they won the fuge cup.
and it was never about the fuge cup.
they got it.
the theme for the week was "connect" - and they did.
they realized that winning isn't everything.
they realized that no matter what life throws at you, you are connected to a body of believers that is there to pick you up.
they realized that it's not how you start it's how you finish.
they realized that each one of them mattered...were loved...had purpose.
i could go on and on...but man, what an incredible week.
praying week 7 blows week 6 out of the water!!
Ryan. Dylan. Hannah. Joseph. Taylor. Jeremy. Garrett. Jenna...just a few students close to my heart. You are loved beyond measure & were created with the highest of purposes. Remember you are connected to a family...&, more importantly, a Father who will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)
