beautiful.

the past 24-hours have been an absolute whirlwind. with such major decisions right at hand, i've found myself face down on the floor several times pleading with the Lord for guidance. yet, despite that awareness of how dependent i have to be on Him, i've neglected good time with Him. thankfully, this morning was quite different.

i've been reading off and on since last year through the book of acts. i have a problem though...i never finish books...whether it's sparks, chan, or paul...i just can't do it. i get ridiculously 'distracted' [maybe a more optimistic way of looking at it would be to say i get ridiculously 'caught up'] in detail. and i continue reading and rereading the same passages [or chapters] in whatever book i'm in at the time. without fail, every time i learn or notice something i hadn't previously.

so for probably the 5th time this year, i started the book of acts. last time i cracked it open, i was sitting in the heathrow airport in london during a 9-hour layover and the Lord blew me away with 1) the life of Judas & 2) the promise of joy in His presence...but that's another post for another day. this morning, chapter 3 caused me to put on the brakes.

the man who sat - BEGGING everyday - at the gate called Beautiful...right OUTSIDE the temple.
i've been that man.
i think we all have...or maybe we still are that man.

this man was crippled...literally & physically crippled...for his entire life. it consumed him. someone carried him everyday to the gate outside the temple and left him there to beg. he begged for what he thought he needed. alms. money. food. something to simply sustain him. why that someone didn't carry him TO the temple...just a LITTLE further is something we'll never know. but maybe that's because we can't rely on others to maintain our spiritual lives. yes, they can encourage...but they can't force us into the presence of the Lord. what kind of relationship with the Father would that be?? this man settled for less than the best. so do we. he was satisfied sitting at the gate called Beautiful OUTSIDE the temple...

and when he finally got up [actually 'lept' up!] and made his way INTO the temple...he rejoiced. and the people noticed. the people saw his life change. "and they were filled with wonder and amazement...utterly astounded" [3:9-11]

we get caught up in uncontrollable circumstances. we think we know what we should ask for. we think we know who can give us those things...or answers. we seek to take control of the situation. we think we know best. and we're SO CLOSE to the very thing we need the most, and yet we're so ignorant to the fact. so we continue...everyday...pleading for the things that ultimately don't matter. and nothing ever changes.

where are you? living day to day sitting outside at the gate called Beautiful, settling for simply begging for what you think you need to get by and maintain a sufficient life? or are you in the temple, in His presence, among the people, leaping and praising the Lord for His work in your life?

i've been that man.
i think we all have...or maybe we still are...
but...
it's time to get up.

honestly.

*among a chaotic morning & the many frustrations of the last week, i found this today on a friend of a friend's profile...& i stole it. so although i take absolutely no credit for the eloquence of the words, it does speak the truths of my heart. encouraging.*

I am not a simple person with a simple story. I have been through a lot and I have made many mistakes. I do not have my life all together in a neat little package, nor do I have any clue as to what my future holds.

But,
in all honestly,
I love my complexity,
I cherish my history for the resilience birthed from it,
I value my mistakes for what God has taught me through them,
and I would like nothing more than to remain BLIND to the will of God for my life
so that I can walk solely trusting and wholly surrendered to Him.

I am the worst of sinners
who recognizes the cost of the cross Jesus Christ paid for MY restoration
so that I may approach the Creator and the Sustainer of all things,
the Alpha and the Omega,
the LORD God,
Almighty as my Abba.

All I want from my life is to live in complete submission and wholehearted servanthood to my Master doing whatever He asks me to do and going wherever he asks me to go.

Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for YOU are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. According to your steadfast love, remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on Earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
~Ephesians 3: 14-21