tired-
of hearing my own words,
or those of everyone else...
everyone but You.
this is my prayer tonight:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8fSjtPLuBQ
i made You promises a thousand times
i try to hear from Heaven but i TALK THE WHOLE TIME
i think i made You TOO SMALL
i NEVER FEARED YOU at all, no
if You touched my face WOULD I KNOW YOU?
looked into my eyes, could i BEHOLD YOU?
WHAT DO I KNOW of You who spoke me into motion?
where have i even stood but the shore along Your ocean
are You fire - are You fury?
are You sacred - are You beautiful?
so what do i know?
WHAT DO I KNOW OF HOLY?
i guess I THOUGHT that i had figured You out
I KNEW all the stories & i learned to talk about
about how You were mighty to save
THOSE WERE only EMPTY WORDS on a page
then i caught a GLIMPSE OF who YOU might be
the slightest hint of You BROUGHT ME DOWN TO MY KNEES
so what do i know of You who spoke me into motion?
where have i even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
are You fire - are You fury?
are You sacred - are You beautiful?
so WHAT DO I KNOW?
what do i know of holy?
what do i know of holy?
what do i know of WOUNDS THAT WILL HEAL MY SHAME????
and a God WHO GAVE LIFE IT'S NAME?
WHAT DO I KNOW OF HOLY?
of the One who the angels praise?
ALL CREATION KNOWS Your name
honored in Heaven above
WHAT DO I KNOW OF THIS LOVE?
so what do i know of You who spoke ME into motion?
where have i even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
are You fire - are You fury?
are You sacred - are You beautiful?
Lord, what do i know - what do i know of holy?
what do i know of holy?
oh, oh WHAT DO I KNOW...
OF HOLY?
i will NEVER know enough to fully understand You-
Your greatness
Your sovereignty
Your thoughts
Your worth
Your mind
Your strength
Your ways
Your might
Your reasons
Your Love
Your grace
Your forgiveness
Your discipline
Your understanding
Your faithfulness
Your plans
Your life
Your voice
Your HEART.
what do i know of holy?
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
summer #5
for the past four days i've been at camp mcCall going through waterfront lifeguarding/cpr/first aid certification. it was fun...but it was COLD!!! they don't call is lake chillywater without just cause. add 4 days of constant rain and 60-70 degree temps...and it makes for some "nice" swimming conditions! this morning when the GUYS were shivering and turning PURPLE (no exaggeration...at all)...our instructor called for a break. so we all went in and crowded under the hot water in the showers. it was a nice break from the shivering...but it made the water seem even colder when we had to get back in for backboarding & in-line search and rescue training. i can't say i've ever been in water that cold...getting out made your skin burn. it kind of felt like i'd rubbed an entire tube of icy hot all over my body. but seriously, like i said, it WAS fun :)
now it's off to camp la vida for summer #5. couldn't be more excited!! :) in the process of applying for the jman program, too. pray for the summer...and for that process!!
p.s. Mail is GREAT!! :) and GREATLY APPRECIATED!! :)
218 LaVida Road
Winnsboro, SC 29180
have an awesome summer!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
our walk.
having just graduated from college in december and having many friends graduating in just a few short days, i've just recently been reminded of where i was just a few years ago. i find myself in a very familiar place. a place of fear, but a place of excitement. a place where i have no idea what's truly in front of me, but a place where i'm excited to be. i think some of you can relate.
on june 4th, 2004 i read these words to my fellow peers...
* * * * * * * * * * *
tonight we graduate. right now, i am supposed to stand before you and offer a few words of advice about teh future, but honestly how much more do i know about the future than any of you who are seated before me? i do not want to stand here and give you hollow words; what i mean is that i want my speech to you - my classmates - to have substance and value. for the next few minutes, i simply want to make you think. most of us probably hoped the "thinking" part of high school was over, but humor me and try it one more time.
we, as the class of 2004, are about to take the walk we have looked forward to taking for the last twelve years. one by one our names will be called, and with a smile and a simple handshake, we will receive our diplomas and return to our assigned seats. but then what? yes, some of us may go through another graduation exercise sometime in the near future-from military training or college- but even then the question will remain, "now what?"
the path leading us to our graduation walk tonight is the result of choices we have made along the way- some good and some bad. whether we realized it or not, everyday that we rolled out of bed and stumbled into the doors of BHS, we made a choice: we chose to stay in school - to learn - to better prepare ourselves for the future. tonight, we are being granted a reward for that choice.
an even more important walk in life also requires that we make a choice. we must choose to be different - we much choose to be a minority rather than simply a part of the majority. tonight we wear our school colors with pride; our black and gold cap and gowns symbolizing our unity as a group. we are the graduating class of 2004. But, it is time to find out who we really are. it is time to stand up. it is time to stand out. it is time to be individuals. the other walk i am speaking of is our spiritual walk in life. it is the single-most important walk we will ever take - more important than a walk to receive a diploma or even a walk down an aisle to marry the love of our lives. it is the walk that leads to our eternal reward. as we eagerly anticipate the moment when we will finally receive our diplomas - the pieces of paper considered to be valuable tickets to our futures - i urge you to assure yourself of a spiritual diploma - a ticket to an eternity with the Lord. Listen to the words of Dorothea Barwick's poem, "Today, We Graduate":
today is the first day of the rest of our lives,
we can fill it with job; we can fill it with strife
we can follow the world and do our own thing,
or follow the Lord and reap the blessings He'll bring.
no longer a child we can make our own way,
we can choose what to do with our lives everyday.
we're dependent on God though, for the air that we breathe,
for the warmth of the sun - for the health that we need,
for protection from harm as we walk down the street,
for providing strong faith so we won't meet defeat.
He reminds us that all that we have comes from Him,
and He loved us enough to die for our sin.
He gives us a choice, now we must decide...
as we graduate, will we walk by His side?
i want to take this opportunity to challenge not only you, my classmates - the Class of 2004, but also each one of our friends, family members, and teachers here today. i challenge you to live the rest of your lives so that you can have the only true assurance there is in life. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, my friends, and He will direct your paths." may God bless each one of you as we go our separate ways.
* * * * * * * * *
i still don't know how i got away with reading those words in a public school, but i know the Lord knew what He was doing when my speech was read beforehand by several teachers and no one said a word. for now, i'm thankful i ran across these words. i needed to be reminded that He is directing my path. for those of you who are graduating, find rest and peace in that promise. so what's the big deal about all of us being jobless and having no idea what's next?? just LIVE!! have fun. enjoy life. go on random road trips. watch the sunrise. stay up late. sing karaoke. have long conversations. He's got a plan and it will be revealed to us in HIS time...not ours. if we don't know what we're doing with our lives...we don't know for a reason. trust that. so we went to school for 4(+) years...that doesn't make Him obligated to show us the next stage of life yet. that's our time-table...not His. :)
i love ya'll!! :)
on june 4th, 2004 i read these words to my fellow peers...
* * * * * * * * * * *
tonight we graduate. right now, i am supposed to stand before you and offer a few words of advice about teh future, but honestly how much more do i know about the future than any of you who are seated before me? i do not want to stand here and give you hollow words; what i mean is that i want my speech to you - my classmates - to have substance and value. for the next few minutes, i simply want to make you think. most of us probably hoped the "thinking" part of high school was over, but humor me and try it one more time.
we, as the class of 2004, are about to take the walk we have looked forward to taking for the last twelve years. one by one our names will be called, and with a smile and a simple handshake, we will receive our diplomas and return to our assigned seats. but then what? yes, some of us may go through another graduation exercise sometime in the near future-from military training or college- but even then the question will remain, "now what?"
the path leading us to our graduation walk tonight is the result of choices we have made along the way- some good and some bad. whether we realized it or not, everyday that we rolled out of bed and stumbled into the doors of BHS, we made a choice: we chose to stay in school - to learn - to better prepare ourselves for the future. tonight, we are being granted a reward for that choice.
an even more important walk in life also requires that we make a choice. we must choose to be different - we much choose to be a minority rather than simply a part of the majority. tonight we wear our school colors with pride; our black and gold cap and gowns symbolizing our unity as a group. we are the graduating class of 2004. But, it is time to find out who we really are. it is time to stand up. it is time to stand out. it is time to be individuals. the other walk i am speaking of is our spiritual walk in life. it is the single-most important walk we will ever take - more important than a walk to receive a diploma or even a walk down an aisle to marry the love of our lives. it is the walk that leads to our eternal reward. as we eagerly anticipate the moment when we will finally receive our diplomas - the pieces of paper considered to be valuable tickets to our futures - i urge you to assure yourself of a spiritual diploma - a ticket to an eternity with the Lord. Listen to the words of Dorothea Barwick's poem, "Today, We Graduate":
today is the first day of the rest of our lives,
we can fill it with job; we can fill it with strife
we can follow the world and do our own thing,
or follow the Lord and reap the blessings He'll bring.
no longer a child we can make our own way,
we can choose what to do with our lives everyday.
we're dependent on God though, for the air that we breathe,
for the warmth of the sun - for the health that we need,
for protection from harm as we walk down the street,
for providing strong faith so we won't meet defeat.
He reminds us that all that we have comes from Him,
and He loved us enough to die for our sin.
He gives us a choice, now we must decide...
as we graduate, will we walk by His side?
i want to take this opportunity to challenge not only you, my classmates - the Class of 2004, but also each one of our friends, family members, and teachers here today. i challenge you to live the rest of your lives so that you can have the only true assurance there is in life. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, my friends, and He will direct your paths." may God bless each one of you as we go our separate ways.
* * * * * * * * *
i still don't know how i got away with reading those words in a public school, but i know the Lord knew what He was doing when my speech was read beforehand by several teachers and no one said a word. for now, i'm thankful i ran across these words. i needed to be reminded that He is directing my path. for those of you who are graduating, find rest and peace in that promise. so what's the big deal about all of us being jobless and having no idea what's next?? just LIVE!! have fun. enjoy life. go on random road trips. watch the sunrise. stay up late. sing karaoke. have long conversations. He's got a plan and it will be revealed to us in HIS time...not ours. if we don't know what we're doing with our lives...we don't know for a reason. trust that. so we went to school for 4(+) years...that doesn't make Him obligated to show us the next stage of life yet. that's our time-table...not His. :)
i love ya'll!! :)
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
"You love me anyway"
as i was sitting on a mountain the other day, the Lord brought some words back to me that i had forgotten about...they were words to a song i wrote several years ago in college & for some reason, i don't have them written down - anywhere. i know the song was complete, but for now this is all i can remember...everything but the bridge.
every time i'm brought back to these words, & every time i sing them...they seem to be true. i fall away from the Lord so quickly, so easily...i make promises to Him that He knows i'm going to break...i push Him to the side, i put Him in second place...and yet...
He loves me anyway.
"You love me anyway"
vs. 1
i've done it again
i've pushed You to the side
another broken promise
another battle with my pride
so here i am again
even though i don't deserve
You to ever listen
every cry i know You've heard
pre-chorus
so why can't i get it?
why can't it all just fall in place?
why can't i love You like i mean it?
why can't i fall upon my face...
chorus
to praise You
love You
worship You, Lord
though You don't need me
You want me
to live in Your word
i'm so unworthy
so undeserving
and yet You love me
love me, Lord
You love me anyway
vs. 2
this time it will be different
this time i'll follow through
but even if i fail You
i know you're promise will hold true
'cause i am Your child
and will forever be
so why do i question
this love You have for me?
pre-chorus
why can't i get it?
why can't it all just fall in place?
why can't i love You like i mean it?
why can't i fall upon my face...
chorus
to praise You
love You
worship You, Lord
though You don't need me
You want me
to live in Your word
i'm so unworthy
so undeserving
and yet You love me
love me, Lord
You love me anyway
every time i'm brought back to these words, & every time i sing them...they seem to be true. i fall away from the Lord so quickly, so easily...i make promises to Him that He knows i'm going to break...i push Him to the side, i put Him in second place...and yet...
He loves me anyway.
"You love me anyway"
vs. 1
i've done it again
i've pushed You to the side
another broken promise
another battle with my pride
so here i am again
even though i don't deserve
You to ever listen
every cry i know You've heard
pre-chorus
so why can't i get it?
why can't it all just fall in place?
why can't i love You like i mean it?
why can't i fall upon my face...
chorus
to praise You
love You
worship You, Lord
though You don't need me
You want me
to live in Your word
i'm so unworthy
so undeserving
and yet You love me
love me, Lord
You love me anyway
vs. 2
this time it will be different
this time i'll follow through
but even if i fail You
i know you're promise will hold true
'cause i am Your child
and will forever be
so why do i question
this love You have for me?
pre-chorus
why can't i get it?
why can't it all just fall in place?
why can't i love You like i mean it?
why can't i fall upon my face...
chorus
to praise You
love You
worship You, Lord
though You don't need me
You want me
to live in Your word
i'm so unworthy
so undeserving
and yet You love me
love me, Lord
You love me anyway
Monday, February 09, 2009
license to superficiality.
so this will be a post that is rather out of the ordinary, has nothing to do with Jesus, & is simply my way of venting a little frustration. bear with me.
yesterday at work the following occurred:
my boss said to me as we were putting up valentine's stuff, "britnie, if you had a significant other, wouldn't you want something more than flowers & chocolate." i found myself thinking "um...honestly, no. crap, why do i keep having these bosses who ask me questions i really don't want to reply to honestly?? (that's a long story and another post for another day - i will, however, explain that i've had two other bosses say to me, "britnie, i have a personal question and i want you to be honest...am i difficult to work for?" (HOW do i get myself in those situations??) anyway, so all i could think about the valentine question was "no, i really wouldn't..." so i said, "i mean, not really...i'm not big on gifts. i'd rather someone spend time with me that spend their money on me." she gave me a perplexed looked and replied,
"i mean, yeah, but women like to get stuff. what's wrong with you?? you're a woman. flowers and chocolate? nah, if a man comes home with something else he's put thought into it and he gets brownie points."
it was official, i was perturbed. first of all, thank you for reminding me that i am a woman - i had briefly forgotten. was that really necessary. and second, did you seriously just insinuate that because i am a woman i have a license to be superficial and materialistic?? i, personally, enjoy spending time with people. bought gifts make me very uncomfortable - they feel forced...and i've always been frugle. when you don't have much money, you learn to appreciate what you do have and you learn ways around spending a lot. don't get me wrong, i love spending money on others, but i do not like for it to be spent on me. i love homeade gifts. call me old-fashioned. call me cheesy....but don't call me less of a woman. seriously?
let me say one another thing, i think valentine's day is nice and all...tell the people you love that you do love them. but why go over the top one day a year to express something you should be expressing everyday? and why spend this big chunk of money to get brownie points...i can guarantee if you put a little thought and effort into something homeade, you'll touch the people you love...and you might even make them cry...talk about brownie points ;)
seriously though, i hope ya'll all have a wonderful valentine's day. remember, you are loved!! & for all you women out there, especially you single women, remember there is someone who loves you beyond measure and thinks you are beautiful! cling to psalm 45:11 - "the King is ENTHRALLED with your beauty. honor Him for He is your Lord."
yesterday at work the following occurred:
my boss said to me as we were putting up valentine's stuff, "britnie, if you had a significant other, wouldn't you want something more than flowers & chocolate." i found myself thinking "um...honestly, no. crap, why do i keep having these bosses who ask me questions i really don't want to reply to honestly?? (that's a long story and another post for another day - i will, however, explain that i've had two other bosses say to me, "britnie, i have a personal question and i want you to be honest...am i difficult to work for?" (HOW do i get myself in those situations??) anyway, so all i could think about the valentine question was "no, i really wouldn't..." so i said, "i mean, not really...i'm not big on gifts. i'd rather someone spend time with me that spend their money on me." she gave me a perplexed looked and replied,
"i mean, yeah, but women like to get stuff. what's wrong with you?? you're a woman. flowers and chocolate? nah, if a man comes home with something else he's put thought into it and he gets brownie points."
it was official, i was perturbed. first of all, thank you for reminding me that i am a woman - i had briefly forgotten. was that really necessary. and second, did you seriously just insinuate that because i am a woman i have a license to be superficial and materialistic?? i, personally, enjoy spending time with people. bought gifts make me very uncomfortable - they feel forced...and i've always been frugle. when you don't have much money, you learn to appreciate what you do have and you learn ways around spending a lot. don't get me wrong, i love spending money on others, but i do not like for it to be spent on me. i love homeade gifts. call me old-fashioned. call me cheesy....but don't call me less of a woman. seriously?
let me say one another thing, i think valentine's day is nice and all...tell the people you love that you do love them. but why go over the top one day a year to express something you should be expressing everyday? and why spend this big chunk of money to get brownie points...i can guarantee if you put a little thought and effort into something homeade, you'll touch the people you love...and you might even make them cry...talk about brownie points ;)
seriously though, i hope ya'll all have a wonderful valentine's day. remember, you are loved!! & for all you women out there, especially you single women, remember there is someone who loves you beyond measure and thinks you are beautiful! cling to psalm 45:11 - "the King is ENTHRALLED with your beauty. honor Him for He is your Lord."
Thursday, January 01, 2009
2008
looking back on 2008, i remember so many things i am blessed with and thankful for!!! it was a good year :)
- my baptism - oct. 4, 2008
- quite possibly my favorite summer at camp la vida - getting to live & work one-on-one with 115+ girls in CABIN 1 :)
- graduating from NGU
- new spiritually encouraging, Christ-centered friendships
- a great work environment
- tuesday night game nights @ ngu
- a break from school work - taking only 6 hours rather than 19 or 22
- random road trips (texas, wake forest, the beach, etc.)
- jonathan owen's birth
- sandie & david are pregnant with a little girl! :)
- writing music
- taking lots of pictures
- attending newspring on sunday nights
- LOTS of one-on-one conversations with great friends
- letting go of unhealthy relationships
- truly listening to the Lord
- FAUX!!!
- skiing with the family in nc
...& so much more!! thank the Lord for an AWESOME year!! :)
- my baptism - oct. 4, 2008
- quite possibly my favorite summer at camp la vida - getting to live & work one-on-one with 115+ girls in CABIN 1 :)
- graduating from NGU
- new spiritually encouraging, Christ-centered friendships
- a great work environment
- tuesday night game nights @ ngu
- a break from school work - taking only 6 hours rather than 19 or 22
- random road trips (texas, wake forest, the beach, etc.)
- jonathan owen's birth
- sandie & david are pregnant with a little girl! :)
- writing music
- taking lots of pictures
- attending newspring on sunday nights
- LOTS of one-on-one conversations with great friends
- letting go of unhealthy relationships
- truly listening to the Lord
- FAUX!!!
- skiing with the family in nc
...& so much more!! thank the Lord for an AWESOME year!! :)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
in everything.
i've never before been given, by the Lord, the words & melodies to a song so quickly or so easily, but two nights ago the Lord blessed me with this piece of music & it completely pumped me up & rocked my world. i've never been one to share what i write - or, rather, what He writes through me - but this time i feel led to. the words are precious to my heart...i do see the Lord in the small things - in everything...and that's what this song is all about. i hope it's as much a blessing to someone else as it has been to me. use it. share it. most of all - i pray that you worship.
In Everything - romans 11:36
december 23, 2008
Capo 5 (Piano in key of D...i think)
Vs. 1
G D
I see You in the morning sky
Em D C
And I see You in the night
G D
I hear You in the voice of babes
Em D C
And in the widow’s cry
Chorus
G D
Hosanna You’re always there
Em D C
Hallelujah to my King
G D
Sweet Yahweh You’re my one true love
Em D C
I see You in everything
Em D C
I see You in everything
Vs. 2
G D
I feel You in the melodies
Em D C
And I know You’re oh so near
G D
I feel You smiling down on me
Em D C
And Your face I see so clear (repeat line)
Chorus (X2)
Bridge
C
As I stand on Your shore
D
And gaze into Your waves
G
Feel Your sands underneath
C
I’m swept up in Your grace
Em D
I get a glimpse into heaven
C D
As You whisper my name
C D
At the water I meet You
C D
I call out and say
Chorus (X2)
**Oh, & Merry Christmas...remember why we celebrate!
In Everything - romans 11:36
december 23, 2008
Capo 5 (Piano in key of D...i think)
Vs. 1
G D
I see You in the morning sky
Em D C
And I see You in the night
G D
I hear You in the voice of babes
Em D C
And in the widow’s cry
Chorus
G D
Hosanna You’re always there
Em D C
Hallelujah to my King
G D
Sweet Yahweh You’re my one true love
Em D C
I see You in everything
Em D C
I see You in everything
Vs. 2
G D
I feel You in the melodies
Em D C
And I know You’re oh so near
G D
I feel You smiling down on me
Em D C
And Your face I see so clear (repeat line)
Chorus (X2)
Bridge
C
As I stand on Your shore
D
And gaze into Your waves
G
Feel Your sands underneath
C
I’m swept up in Your grace
Em D
I get a glimpse into heaven
C D
As You whisper my name
C D
At the water I meet You
C D
I call out and say
Chorus (X2)
**Oh, & Merry Christmas...remember why we celebrate!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
so quickly Stale...
[warning: this is yet another post stemming from an everyday moment that i took a spiritual lesson from...]
last night i finally started the ever-dreaded Christmas shopping. yes, i'm well aware that Christmas is in 4 days, but refer to my last post and you will gain a glimpse into why i've waited so long to start shopping. anyway, while i was on the run frantically trying to make it from store to store before they closed i grabbed yet another quick, fast-food dinner - which i've grown to hate...no, absolutely loathe! if you know anything about me, you know my love for green beans. let's just say my taste buds are experiencing an extreme case of G.B.D. (green bean deprivation). on with the story...so i scarfed down half my "meal" and headed in a store...the food was too hot to eat anyway. forty minutes or so later when i returned to the car, i was ready to finish eating and when i took my first bite i was absolutely disgusted. it was cold, hard, and tasteless. i found myself thinking - i didn't know it was possible for something once so good to turn SO bad SO quickly!! and then it hit me that the Lord probably thinks that about my walk with Him...and thinks it often.
my walk with the Lord tends to teeter between ON FIRE one moment and ABSOLUTELY DRY & THIRSTY the next. it takes only a day or two of my neglecting time with the Lord before i realize i've so quickly grown stale...again. consistency is hard, but necessary. i cannot do it alone. it is only by His grace & mercy that my relationship with Him exists and continual growth is possible.
Lord, pour your favor out on me and quench the thirst in my soul that only you can satisfy. forgive me for neglecting You time and time again. bring me to my knees in humility everyday and once i'm facedown on the floor, be the strength i need to lift my head & lock eyes with only You. renew a desire within me for time with You when the flame You've ignited flickers because of my selfishness. fuel the fire that burns within me and draw others to the flames.
last night i finally started the ever-dreaded Christmas shopping. yes, i'm well aware that Christmas is in 4 days, but refer to my last post and you will gain a glimpse into why i've waited so long to start shopping. anyway, while i was on the run frantically trying to make it from store to store before they closed i grabbed yet another quick, fast-food dinner - which i've grown to hate...no, absolutely loathe! if you know anything about me, you know my love for green beans. let's just say my taste buds are experiencing an extreme case of G.B.D. (green bean deprivation). on with the story...so i scarfed down half my "meal" and headed in a store...the food was too hot to eat anyway. forty minutes or so later when i returned to the car, i was ready to finish eating and when i took my first bite i was absolutely disgusted. it was cold, hard, and tasteless. i found myself thinking - i didn't know it was possible for something once so good to turn SO bad SO quickly!! and then it hit me that the Lord probably thinks that about my walk with Him...and thinks it often.
my walk with the Lord tends to teeter between ON FIRE one moment and ABSOLUTELY DRY & THIRSTY the next. it takes only a day or two of my neglecting time with the Lord before i realize i've so quickly grown stale...again. consistency is hard, but necessary. i cannot do it alone. it is only by His grace & mercy that my relationship with Him exists and continual growth is possible.
Lord, pour your favor out on me and quench the thirst in my soul that only you can satisfy. forgive me for neglecting You time and time again. bring me to my knees in humility everyday and once i'm facedown on the floor, be the strength i need to lift my head & lock eyes with only You. renew a desire within me for time with You when the flame You've ignited flickers because of my selfishness. fuel the fire that burns within me and draw others to the flames.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
i have issues with holidaymas.
i've debated for over a week about whether or not to post what's been on my mind, but i really feel led to. i pray that it doesn't offend anyone but that it speaks to your hearts & makes you take a step back from the holiday chaos and really consider what it is you're doing all this for.
i've always said i have issues with Christmas, but really - i don't have issues with Christmas...i have issues with what Christmas has turned into: holidaymas. or rather, holiday-MESS. it's not about Christ. christians got all upset last year when the cashiers at wal-mart started saying "happy holidays" rather than merry Christmas but we're not showing them that december 25th should be about Christ anyway so what should we expect. stop getting mad at others for taking Christ out of Christmas - they learned it from you. they learned it from us.
i've never understood Christmas presents. don't get me wrong, i LOVE santa & all the memories i have growing up of 4am Christmas mornings. Christmas eve rolled around and my sister always built me a tent to sleep in. i'd wake up 2 hours later and RUN to my sisters' room & jump on one of their beds...always the oldest one's...she was more of a morning person. they'd tell me to go back to sleep. it happened about 4 times before i eventually made progress. rather than telling me to go back to sleep the response then turned into "go wake up mom & dad and then we'll get up." so i'd RUN to mom & dad's room and tell them (of course) that christie & sandie were up and wanted me to come get them up. they'd tell me to go back to sleep. again, i'd repeat that process about 3 more times until more progress was made. eventually someone got up. then we had to wait on sandie to brush her teeth and dad to grab the camera...and mom would strategically place us in the right position so dad could take the perfect picture when we finally saw what santa surprised us with. good times.
like i said, i love santa. i love those memories. but i think somewhere between 16 & 22 the Lord stirred something within me that won't go away. my family started a tradition many years ago of not giving gifts. we take a trip...usually skiing. we just spend time together. make memories...don't waste money on useless things.
i was talking with a friend the other day. Christmas is so messed up. we spend all this time & effort making lists of things we want and giving them to people so they can buy them and then we are supposed to act surprised. starting on thanksgiving day people go CRAZY shopping. we spend HUNDREDS of dollars (if not MUCH MORE) on STUFF. why??
we give one another gifts one day a year all because Jesus died on a cross & rose from the dead? something is seriously messed up.
Christmas trees should remind us of the wood the Lord was nailed to...
Christmas trees should remind us of the wood His blood poured out onto...
Christmas trees should remind us of new life & growth that comes only through His death & resurrection...
Christmas trees should remind us that when He is a part of our lives, when we invite Him into our hearts - our homes - His fragrance overtakes & overwhelms us (just like the smell of a freshly cut tree fills our home for a time)...
Christmas trees should NOT remind us of the presents undernearth.
sometimes i think the Lord's heart breaks more on Christmas day than any other day of the year.
i feel like i need a disclaimer here...i write out of a broken heart, but i write knowing that i'm just as much at fault for this as anyone else. this year our family is doing the gift thing. while i'm not really happy about it, i asked for things i shouldn't have. things that cost my family something. things that require sacrifice in order for me to have. shame on us. shame on me.
i didn't even have to ask Him for His sacrifice - a sacrifice that cost Him his life. & the one day set aside to remember that sacrifice...we ask for more.
just something to chew on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU
i've always said i have issues with Christmas, but really - i don't have issues with Christmas...i have issues with what Christmas has turned into: holidaymas. or rather, holiday-MESS. it's not about Christ. christians got all upset last year when the cashiers at wal-mart started saying "happy holidays" rather than merry Christmas but we're not showing them that december 25th should be about Christ anyway so what should we expect. stop getting mad at others for taking Christ out of Christmas - they learned it from you. they learned it from us.
i've never understood Christmas presents. don't get me wrong, i LOVE santa & all the memories i have growing up of 4am Christmas mornings. Christmas eve rolled around and my sister always built me a tent to sleep in. i'd wake up 2 hours later and RUN to my sisters' room & jump on one of their beds...always the oldest one's...she was more of a morning person. they'd tell me to go back to sleep. it happened about 4 times before i eventually made progress. rather than telling me to go back to sleep the response then turned into "go wake up mom & dad and then we'll get up." so i'd RUN to mom & dad's room and tell them (of course) that christie & sandie were up and wanted me to come get them up. they'd tell me to go back to sleep. again, i'd repeat that process about 3 more times until more progress was made. eventually someone got up. then we had to wait on sandie to brush her teeth and dad to grab the camera...and mom would strategically place us in the right position so dad could take the perfect picture when we finally saw what santa surprised us with. good times.
like i said, i love santa. i love those memories. but i think somewhere between 16 & 22 the Lord stirred something within me that won't go away. my family started a tradition many years ago of not giving gifts. we take a trip...usually skiing. we just spend time together. make memories...don't waste money on useless things.
i was talking with a friend the other day. Christmas is so messed up. we spend all this time & effort making lists of things we want and giving them to people so they can buy them and then we are supposed to act surprised. starting on thanksgiving day people go CRAZY shopping. we spend HUNDREDS of dollars (if not MUCH MORE) on STUFF. why??
we give one another gifts one day a year all because Jesus died on a cross & rose from the dead? something is seriously messed up.
Christmas trees should remind us of the wood the Lord was nailed to...
Christmas trees should remind us of the wood His blood poured out onto...
Christmas trees should remind us of new life & growth that comes only through His death & resurrection...
Christmas trees should remind us that when He is a part of our lives, when we invite Him into our hearts - our homes - His fragrance overtakes & overwhelms us (just like the smell of a freshly cut tree fills our home for a time)...
Christmas trees should NOT remind us of the presents undernearth.
sometimes i think the Lord's heart breaks more on Christmas day than any other day of the year.
i feel like i need a disclaimer here...i write out of a broken heart, but i write knowing that i'm just as much at fault for this as anyone else. this year our family is doing the gift thing. while i'm not really happy about it, i asked for things i shouldn't have. things that cost my family something. things that require sacrifice in order for me to have. shame on us. shame on me.
i didn't even have to ask Him for His sacrifice - a sacrifice that cost Him his life. & the one day set aside to remember that sacrifice...we ask for more.
just something to chew on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU
Saturday, November 29, 2008
drastic measures: a call to beautiful brokenness.
so i've started three blogs over the last 2-3 weeks, but haven't actually finished or posted any of them. they've all been on my mind, but this one i really want to put out there. a dear friend shared a song with me recently that has quickly become one of my favorites. we had a conversation about how some people hear this song and just don't get it. ever since then i've thought about it - really listened to the words, taken them in, and chewed hard on them. to me, it speaks volumes! in its words is such a raw, powerful message. i heard someone recently say that isaiah, in the presence of the Lord, was completely ruined. someone else said that every believer needs to be broken...utterly and completely broken at some point in their life. i couldn't agree more with both. the Lord definitely had to bring me to a breaking point in order for me to genuinely come to know Him. sometimes He has to take drastic measures. & that's what this song speaks to...so here are the lyrics in grey & how the Lord has spoken to my heart about them in blue.
"rend" - jimmy needham
You’ve been tarnished
And you’ve been stained
And all the varnish you’ve used to cover up with is peeling away
My child,
so you messed up. you messed up royally. you turned your back on Me. you allowed things into your life that you never thought you would. you allowed satan to overcome and overwhelm...for a time. those things will always be a part of your life - your history. you hide them. you try and cover them...but you need to let go. you need to let me rip away the things in your life that are keeping you separated from the Love i want to lavish upon you. you cannot hide any longer. stop hiding. stop running.
Yet even now,
return to me
with nothing less Than your wounded, broken heart
i do not care what you have done - where you have allowed yourself to go. return to me. all you need to do is return. i didn't leave your side - you left Mine. seeing your broken heart breaks Mine. so come back to me. bring all the broken pieces back and i will put them back together. i'm the only One who can put them back together. lift them up to Me, My child.
and cling to Me, your gracious King
Be shattered glass of empty jars
and rend Rend, rend, rend
let go of everything and everyone that's not Me that's holding you back from My Love, My grace, My forgiveness. run to Me. cling to Me. i will hold you. My arms are outstretched - you just have to grab hold of them. come back to Me, my child. come back. i've broken and emptied you out...i need you to return to me with nothing. rend your heart, Child. drastic times call for drastic measures. you have strayed so far away...run back, Child. run back. i'll meet you halfway. and when we meet, rend to me everything. rend to me your heart. if you can't bring yourself to do it, just allow Me to do it for you. but you have to let Me.
[rend: –verb
1. to separate into parts with force or violence
2.to tear apart, split, or divide
3. to pull or tear violently
4. to tear (one's garments or hair) in grief, rage, etc.
5. to disturb (the air) sharply with loud noise.
6. to harrow or distress (the heart) with painful feelings
7. to become torn or split]
DESTROY those things that are not of Me, from Me, for Me. it will hurt, it will be painful...but i love you and i need you to trust that i know best. let me ruin you for My glory. do not be afraid to tell Me how you feel. if it angers you, tell me. if it saddens you, cry out to Me. i can take it. i want to take it...away. just do not turn your back on Me again, My child. i need you broken and emptied of EVERYTHING so that i can fill you with Me again - only Me. i am a jealous God who loves you more than you can ever imagine. i just want to be your Everything. just let Me. let me break you in order than everything else can be poured out and i can enter the places in Your life you have pushed me out of.
Rend your hearts
I don’t need a grand display
Show me that your heart has changed
I don’t need a show
Only just to know
your own heart breaks
rend
"rend" - jimmy needham
You’ve been tarnished
And you’ve been stained
And all the varnish you’ve used to cover up with is peeling away
My child,
so you messed up. you messed up royally. you turned your back on Me. you allowed things into your life that you never thought you would. you allowed satan to overcome and overwhelm...for a time. those things will always be a part of your life - your history. you hide them. you try and cover them...but you need to let go. you need to let me rip away the things in your life that are keeping you separated from the Love i want to lavish upon you. you cannot hide any longer. stop hiding. stop running.
Yet even now,
return to me
with nothing less Than your wounded, broken heart
i do not care what you have done - where you have allowed yourself to go. return to me. all you need to do is return. i didn't leave your side - you left Mine. seeing your broken heart breaks Mine. so come back to me. bring all the broken pieces back and i will put them back together. i'm the only One who can put them back together. lift them up to Me, My child.
and cling to Me, your gracious King
Be shattered glass of empty jars
and rend Rend, rend, rend
let go of everything and everyone that's not Me that's holding you back from My Love, My grace, My forgiveness. run to Me. cling to Me. i will hold you. My arms are outstretched - you just have to grab hold of them. come back to Me, my child. come back. i've broken and emptied you out...i need you to return to me with nothing. rend your heart, Child. drastic times call for drastic measures. you have strayed so far away...run back, Child. run back. i'll meet you halfway. and when we meet, rend to me everything. rend to me your heart. if you can't bring yourself to do it, just allow Me to do it for you. but you have to let Me.
[rend: –verb
1. to separate into parts with force or violence
2.to tear apart, split, or divide
3. to pull or tear violently
4. to tear (one's garments or hair) in grief, rage, etc.
5. to disturb (the air) sharply with loud noise.
6. to harrow or distress (the heart) with painful feelings
7. to become torn or split]
DESTROY those things that are not of Me, from Me, for Me. it will hurt, it will be painful...but i love you and i need you to trust that i know best. let me ruin you for My glory. do not be afraid to tell Me how you feel. if it angers you, tell me. if it saddens you, cry out to Me. i can take it. i want to take it...away. just do not turn your back on Me again, My child. i need you broken and emptied of EVERYTHING so that i can fill you with Me again - only Me. i am a jealous God who loves you more than you can ever imagine. i just want to be your Everything. just let Me. let me break you in order than everything else can be poured out and i can enter the places in Your life you have pushed me out of.
Rend your hearts
I don’t need a grand display
Show me that your heart has changed
I don’t need a show
Only just to know
your own heart breaks
rend
My only desire is that you return. i have no expectations. just return with a broken & changed heart. allow Me to see your brokeness. you are never more beautiful than when you allow Me to see your brokeness. allow Me to fix it. i can...and i will. i love you. more than you know. more than you can comprehend. let Me put it all back together. i sing these words over you. i've sung them every minute of everyday since you turned your back...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWqDpiWgQkk
just lift the broken pieces of your life up to Me, Child. lift up your beautiful brokeness to Me...i will put them back together.
i love you,
Dad
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