south africa - 1 of many to come...

It’s taken me well over a week to even begin to sum up my recent experiences in Cape Town, South Africa. No picture, journal or video could ever come close to adequately describing how the Lord worked in my own heart and life that week. There were so many moments that will forever be etched in my mind. Two, in particular, stand out to me tonight as I reflect.

Each afternoon our team had the opportunity to work with the girls & boys clubs at several schools in the area that the missionaries are currently working with. One afternoon our 7 girls got to sit down and share testimonies with the 7 girls that attended that day. With each story we shared, they grew ever more intent on listening. After 45 minutes of talking, we had one last testimony to share. We’d told them earlier that afternoon that we had a gift for each of them. So, to break up the monotony we gave them the option of getting their gifts or hearing the last story. To our surprise, they all insisted in unison on hearing the story first. The hunger and thirst these girls had for discipleship was so overwhelmingly evident! They cared little about the material and yearned, instead, for this Love that we spoke of.
The next day at another school we had a similar experience. After sharing we placed an angel pin on the sweater of each girl and talked about God’s love for them. Kneeling down I looked into the eyes of my new friend and asked her, “So what are you going to remember every time you see this pin?” With tears in her eyes she replied, “Jesus loves me.” I turned to do the same to the young lady seated next to her. I asked her the same question. When she had no answer I turned back to the first girl. Again I asked her, “Will you tell her what you are going to remember every time you look at this pin?” And again, with a tear rolling down her cheek, she declared, “Jesus loves me.” I’m not so sure anyone had ever told her that before.



Since I’ve been back, several startling facts & statistics have been running through my mind daily. We were told that:
Every 26 seconds someone in South Africa is raped.
Every 28 minutes a child in South Africa is raped.
2,000 people a day contract HIV/AIDS
There is a commonly held myth that if you rape a young child or virgin you can rid yourself of AIDS.

Children in South Africa are forced to grow up faster than they should. The children we interacted with have faced far more than most of us ever will. They need to know there is hope beyond this world. They need to know there is Love beyond comprehension. The more I spent time with the people of South Africa, the more my heart yearned to share with them this Love that I’ve grown up so privileged to know about.

May we continue to PRAY expectantly for these children & the missionaries who are diligently sharing this message of hope and love with them.
May we GIVE generously & with glad hearts to support that work in South Africa & around the world.
May we GO without hesitation wherever He leads to fulfill the calling the Lord has placed on each of our lives.

More to come on the trip SOON!

another taste of africa...

quick update...which will probably be in short sentences & all over the place!!!

many of you know i have a heart for international missions. the Lord has been gracious to throw yet another opportunity into my lap...& not just the opportunity, but the provisions as well!

3 of my passions in life [faith & family understood]:
- music
- camp ministries
- taking the gospel to the unreached

this past summer i did camp for the 6th consecutive year - this time, though, with a new organization. i worked for lifeway with centrifuge camps in panama city beach, florida. i will return there again this summer as well - and i'm PUMPED!

why? because not only do i get to continue a ministry i love for the SEVENTH summer (which is absolutely mind-blowing when i actually stop to think about it), but i get to do so having taken an even more intimate part in the missions partnership. this summer starts a new 5-year partnership between FUGE camps & south africa. hence, our trip.

so tomorrow a group of almost 30 staff from camps across the US will meet in atlanta (some for the first time) and head out for SA! we will split into 3 teams and spread out across johannesburg, soweto, & cape town. each team will do something different, but our ultimate goals are the same - 1) to minister to the people (as well as the missionaries) of South Africa and 2) to learn more about life, the people, culture, needs, etc. this coming summer when camp starts up, those of us who have had the experience get to share that with our respective staffs & spread the word to our students as well. i'm so pumped to have such a first-hand experience directly tied in with what these kids are giving money to support each week!

please pray for us!
the cape town team (of which i am a part) will be worshiping with the people of SA on sunday and making further preparations that night.

then, monday-friday we will be working in 3 different schools tutoring, doing after school clubs, etc. - loving on the kids & sharing the Gospel of Truth & Love!

thank you SO MUCH for the continued support & prayer!
update soon after we get back!

set the bar high.

don't EVER lower your standards...

be slow to speak,
quick to listen...
and quick to forgive...

but don't EVER lower your standards.

how my heart yearns.

the heart is a funny thing.

i was recently challenged by this question when i said it out loud to a friend & realized i was the one that was supposed to be hearing it:

do you seek & pursue the restoration of your relationship with Jesus
with the same intensity,
fervor
& determination
that you seek & pursue the restoration, or even the the simple existence,
of earthly relationships?

do you really?
i don't.

i care so much about what others think of me - from strangers to my closest friends...but do i care that much what Jesus thinks when He looks at my life? wait, if i'm really honest with myself - do i care at all? what about my heart? what DOES my heart look like?

where do i turn in the midst of bad news? people.
fear? people.
pain? people.
heartache? people.
loss? people.
stress? running. food. sleep. then people.
joy? people.
excitement? people.
elation? people.
good news? people.
what about in the mundane moments of everyday life...even then...people.

but Jesus is not one of those people...at least, not until i've run to all the others first...if ever.

the problem is people fail. people aren't meant to be on the thrones of our hearts...Jesus is. how do i run to Him, then?
prayer...

in the midst of difficult times, the Lord is near...but whether we choose to acknowledge His presence, His arms & His sovereignty in our circumstances is up to us. do you fall on your face before Him? are you real with Him? do you cry to Him?

i recently read through the book of Job...a story i thought i was so familiar with, but it blew me away. Job lost everything. his family. his security. all that he had worked for. his possessions. even his health. Job struggled immensely. he expressed, "my face is red with weeping, deep shadows ring my eyes...my spirit is broken...my eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow...my days have passed, my plans are shattered and so are the desires of my heart" (16:16, 17:1, 7, 11). he despaired of life & even questioned his existence. he asked a lot of "whys."

how often do we do the same? when the things of this world - when the people of this world - are stripped from us. when we lose all that is precious to us, don't we begin to ask the whys? don't we allow grief to overcome & satan to whisper lies making us question, at times, why we are even alive? whatever the form of your question...

there is hope.

Job spoke powerful words in the midst of such pain.
"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see Him with my own eyes - I, and not another.
HOW MY HEART YEARNS WITHIN ME...
I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face."
Job 19:25-27 & 23:17

so what does your heart yearn for most? as i was reminded this morning - there is purpose in brokenness. as david proclaimed, "let the bones you have crushed rejoice" (psalm 51:8) because that brokenness is part of our healing. no matter the circumstance - good or bad - for what does your heart most yearn? like Job, may we keep our eyes on the eternal, always remembering that when all else fails, when all is stripped from us, our purpose remains and our hope in the eternal is secure.

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
(brooke fraser)

the heart is a funny thing...
but may that be the all-consuming prayer of your heart...

"til i only dwell in Thee."

challenge:

read thru the book of job.
all 42 chapters.
i dare you.
GO!

more later.

tonight

a song i wrote throughout this summer...
finally finished it.
hope to get a rough recording up soon on here :)

"tonight"
summer 2010

another long night
i sit here & cry
when will i speak the words i feel deep inside
lost & confused
you're slightly amused
moved on like everything we were was alright
you're alright
alright

but tonight
put away all your plans
& tonight
just rest in my presence
tonight
open your heart & be washed by the waters of my love
my love

i don't have words
i don't have a song
all i have's this feelin that i don't belong
push away the world
& run into Your arms
lay my head upon Your chest & listen to Your heart
to Your heart
Your heart
to Your heart
and you said

tonight
put away all your plans
& tonight
just rest in My presence
tonight
open your heart
& be washed by the waters of My Love
tonight

i know you're hurting
i know you've failed
forgiven, forgotten
My Love will prevail
I know you're trying
to earn back My Love
but a cross & three nails
was more than Enough

i know you're hurting
i know you've failed
forgiven, forgotten
My Love will prevail
child, just stop trying
to earn back My Love
cause a cross & three nails
was more than Enough

so tonight
put away all your plans
& tonight
just rest in My presence
tonight
just open your heart
& be washed by the waters of My Love
tonight

i don't have words
i don't have a song
all i have's this feelin
i'm where i belong

beautiful.

the past 24-hours have been an absolute whirlwind. with such major decisions right at hand, i've found myself face down on the floor several times pleading with the Lord for guidance. yet, despite that awareness of how dependent i have to be on Him, i've neglected good time with Him. thankfully, this morning was quite different.

i've been reading off and on since last year through the book of acts. i have a problem though...i never finish books...whether it's sparks, chan, or paul...i just can't do it. i get ridiculously 'distracted' [maybe a more optimistic way of looking at it would be to say i get ridiculously 'caught up'] in detail. and i continue reading and rereading the same passages [or chapters] in whatever book i'm in at the time. without fail, every time i learn or notice something i hadn't previously.

so for probably the 5th time this year, i started the book of acts. last time i cracked it open, i was sitting in the heathrow airport in london during a 9-hour layover and the Lord blew me away with 1) the life of Judas & 2) the promise of joy in His presence...but that's another post for another day. this morning, chapter 3 caused me to put on the brakes.

the man who sat - BEGGING everyday - at the gate called Beautiful...right OUTSIDE the temple.
i've been that man.
i think we all have...or maybe we still are that man.

this man was crippled...literally & physically crippled...for his entire life. it consumed him. someone carried him everyday to the gate outside the temple and left him there to beg. he begged for what he thought he needed. alms. money. food. something to simply sustain him. why that someone didn't carry him TO the temple...just a LITTLE further is something we'll never know. but maybe that's because we can't rely on others to maintain our spiritual lives. yes, they can encourage...but they can't force us into the presence of the Lord. what kind of relationship with the Father would that be?? this man settled for less than the best. so do we. he was satisfied sitting at the gate called Beautiful OUTSIDE the temple...

and when he finally got up [actually 'lept' up!] and made his way INTO the temple...he rejoiced. and the people noticed. the people saw his life change. "and they were filled with wonder and amazement...utterly astounded" [3:9-11]

we get caught up in uncontrollable circumstances. we think we know what we should ask for. we think we know who can give us those things...or answers. we seek to take control of the situation. we think we know best. and we're SO CLOSE to the very thing we need the most, and yet we're so ignorant to the fact. so we continue...everyday...pleading for the things that ultimately don't matter. and nothing ever changes.

where are you? living day to day sitting outside at the gate called Beautiful, settling for simply begging for what you think you need to get by and maintain a sufficient life? or are you in the temple, in His presence, among the people, leaping and praising the Lord for His work in your life?

i've been that man.
i think we all have...or maybe we still are...
but...
it's time to get up.

honestly.

*among a chaotic morning & the many frustrations of the last week, i found this today on a friend of a friend's profile...& i stole it. so although i take absolutely no credit for the eloquence of the words, it does speak the truths of my heart. encouraging.*

I am not a simple person with a simple story. I have been through a lot and I have made many mistakes. I do not have my life all together in a neat little package, nor do I have any clue as to what my future holds.

But,
in all honestly,
I love my complexity,
I cherish my history for the resilience birthed from it,
I value my mistakes for what God has taught me through them,
and I would like nothing more than to remain BLIND to the will of God for my life
so that I can walk solely trusting and wholly surrendered to Him.

I am the worst of sinners
who recognizes the cost of the cross Jesus Christ paid for MY restoration
so that I may approach the Creator and the Sustainer of all things,
the Alpha and the Omega,
the LORD God,
Almighty as my Abba.

All I want from my life is to live in complete submission and wholehearted servanthood to my Master doing whatever He asks me to do and going wherever he asks me to go.

Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for YOU are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. According to your steadfast love, remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on Earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
~Ephesians 3: 14-21

used.

fear of the future
fear of the past
fear that good feelings & smiles will soon pass
when the memories surface
and thoughts overcome
where will i focus
what will be?? or what's done?
parts of my story bring regret and much shame
& though the past is the past
that's not where it always stays
everyday i'm reminded
who i could so easily be
if I do not cling to the grace poured down on me
He's taught me that beauty Will surface when rain -
His rain pours out & drenches the shame
i did what i did.
what's done is done.
but He's covered it all with the blood of His Son.
so those fears of the future
& those fears of the past
they will not overcome-
they will not last...

He will use the past.

"but God"

if i was asked to sum up the gospel in two words, i'd simply say "BUT GOD"
no matter what, "BUT GOD"
the world was created in perfection, for Perfection & man fell...BUT GOD
throughout history man falls into idolatry...BUT GOD
passions of the flesh...BUT GOD
pride, poverty, oppression...BUT GOD
hatred, injustice, suffering...BUT GOD
shame, fear...BUT GOD
our past...BUT GOD...

He is freedom
God is hope
God is mercy
God is Truth
God is grace
God is joy
God is peace
God is light
God is rescue
God is healer
God is great
God is Life.

a song about this God & how he reaches out to those who are hurting.

"but God"

vs. 1
i don't know how much you're hurting, but you don't know how much i care
& i don't know how else to help you, but lift up lonely, silent prayers

vs. 2
let me tell you my story - i was lost & i was scared
i'd pushed away the ones who loved me - chasing dreams goin nowhere

pre-chorus
but two words changed my life - two simple words they washed me white
two words changed my life - two simple words turned darkness to light

chorus
BUT GOD - in all His grace took my mistakes to draw me into Him
BUT GOD - He broke my chains, He paved the Way to healing & freedom
BUT GOD

vs. 3
caught in a web of lies, drowning in shame
suffering my own demise - choosing my life, my way
you're caught in a web of lies, drowning in shame
suffering your own demise - choosing your life, your way

pre-chorus
but two words can change your life - two simple words can wash you white
two words can change your life - two simple words turn dark to light

chorus
BUT GOD - in all His grace took my mistakes to draw me into Him
BUT GOD - He broke my chains, He paved the Way to healing & freedom
BUT GOD - in all His grace takes your mistakes to draw you into Him
BUT GOD - He'll break those chains, He's paved the Way to healing and freedom, healing and freedom, healing & freedom

bridge
He turned my shame into healing, my darkness to light
my bondage to freedom, my death into life
He'll turn your shame into healing, your darkness to light
your bondage to freedom, your death into life

BUT GOD...