how my heart yearns.

the heart is a funny thing.

i was recently challenged by this question when i said it out loud to a friend & realized i was the one that was supposed to be hearing it:

do you seek & pursue the restoration of your relationship with Jesus
with the same intensity,
fervor
& determination
that you seek & pursue the restoration, or even the the simple existence,
of earthly relationships?

do you really?
i don't.

i care so much about what others think of me - from strangers to my closest friends...but do i care that much what Jesus thinks when He looks at my life? wait, if i'm really honest with myself - do i care at all? what about my heart? what DOES my heart look like?

where do i turn in the midst of bad news? people.
fear? people.
pain? people.
heartache? people.
loss? people.
stress? running. food. sleep. then people.
joy? people.
excitement? people.
elation? people.
good news? people.
what about in the mundane moments of everyday life...even then...people.

but Jesus is not one of those people...at least, not until i've run to all the others first...if ever.

the problem is people fail. people aren't meant to be on the thrones of our hearts...Jesus is. how do i run to Him, then?
prayer...

in the midst of difficult times, the Lord is near...but whether we choose to acknowledge His presence, His arms & His sovereignty in our circumstances is up to us. do you fall on your face before Him? are you real with Him? do you cry to Him?

i recently read through the book of Job...a story i thought i was so familiar with, but it blew me away. Job lost everything. his family. his security. all that he had worked for. his possessions. even his health. Job struggled immensely. he expressed, "my face is red with weeping, deep shadows ring my eyes...my spirit is broken...my eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow...my days have passed, my plans are shattered and so are the desires of my heart" (16:16, 17:1, 7, 11). he despaired of life & even questioned his existence. he asked a lot of "whys."

how often do we do the same? when the things of this world - when the people of this world - are stripped from us. when we lose all that is precious to us, don't we begin to ask the whys? don't we allow grief to overcome & satan to whisper lies making us question, at times, why we are even alive? whatever the form of your question...

there is hope.

Job spoke powerful words in the midst of such pain.
"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see Him with my own eyes - I, and not another.
HOW MY HEART YEARNS WITHIN ME...
I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face."
Job 19:25-27 & 23:17

so what does your heart yearn for most? as i was reminded this morning - there is purpose in brokenness. as david proclaimed, "let the bones you have crushed rejoice" (psalm 51:8) because that brokenness is part of our healing. no matter the circumstance - good or bad - for what does your heart most yearn? like Job, may we keep our eyes on the eternal, always remembering that when all else fails, when all is stripped from us, our purpose remains and our hope in the eternal is secure.

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
(brooke fraser)

the heart is a funny thing...
but may that be the all-consuming prayer of your heart...

"til i only dwell in Thee."