waiting.

so, i've decided that one of, if not the, hardest things in life is waiting.

- driving down the interstate just WAITING for the next exit because you drank way too much sweet tea & you're regretting it more & more with every mile marker you pass

- sitting in the car, engine off, periodically glancing in your rearview mirror WAITING for what seems like an hour just hoping that when the cop returns to your window he won't have that dreaded blue piece of paper in his hand that you can't afford to pay for

- sitting in the dr.'s office (after you've already been there an hour) in nothing but a paper sheet & socks (if you're lucky) while you hear people walking outside back & forth in front of your door and the dr. talking loudly to the sweet (but very old) lady in the next room just WAITING for him to come in & write your prescription

- sitting by the phone WAITING on that call back about one of the several thousand jobs it seems you've applied for because you're in desperate need of some $$...& then WAITING for that first paycheck which, inevitably, seems to be late...or wrong

- pacing back & forth at the hospital during the emergency surgery, the x-rays, the labor, or the tests just WAITING to hear that your loved one is ok

- lying in bed at night while your mind races and you begin to question any & everything stable and unstable in your life because you had too much coffee, the sheep are long gone & you're just WAITING until that moment when you finally fall asleep


you get the picture.

sometimes i wonder why we wish our lives away...constantly in a hurry up & wait mindset. can't wait to turn 13. can't wait to go to high school. can't wait to get our permit. can't wait to get our license. can't wait to go to the prom. can't wait to graduate. can't wait for college. can't wait to get out. can't wait to meet the one we're going to spend the rest of our lives with. can't wait to start our career. can't wait to get married. can't wait to have kids. can't wait to retire. can't wait to have grandkids. it's so hard to remember that this world is only temporary and isn't, or rather shouldn't, be what we're living for. it's so cliche to say "we're not promised another day" so i won't, but i will say that i have to remind myself that we're not promised any of the things society deems 'normal'. for example, not everyone gets married - has 2 kids, a house, & a dog. i never fully understood how paul could say that it was better to be single. but i think i've experienced just a taste of what he meant. it's too distracting - we lose focus. we forget that God blessed us with those friendships & relationships for a reason other than simply our selfish gain. we, ok - I get so caught up in what i'm trying to persue (friendships, relationships, schoolwork, degrees, jobs, etc.) that i leave no time for the only thing that really matters and in the end, although successful in the eyes of the world, am left feeling completely miserable, empty, & lost...WAITING for something to come along and make me "feel" better. somewhere along the lines, i fell into the trap - again - of believing in what i feel more than what i know & that never seems to go well.

so i want to be able to look back and really say i lived one day at a time. made the most of everyday i was alive...

WAITING ONLY for the day that i meet my Savior face-to-face.

i'll have to work on that.